While I appreciate your ideas to mitigations of the dangers of smartphone, I miss the systemic viewpoint. Let's take reporting as an example: As you pointed out in the article, we teach children that when things go sideways in the realm world, and they are in danger, they should talk to someone, including, if necessary, call 911. The online equivalence to that is the report system in social media systems. Unfortunately, children often do not report online incidents. When asked why they don't do that, a very common response is that they feel that the report won't solve the issue, that they don't get support they need (or at least not in the right way). The analogue equivalent would be a child asking for help - and no one answering. The logical conclusion the child will make is that it is better not to report and cope with the problem by themselves. You and I as an individual can't change these reporting systems, but those who offer the platforms can. Such measures would be both empowering for the children - it's them who decide to make the report, and they have at least a limited say on what will happen next. Such measures would also make them feel valued and heard, and not be "just a kid", but a valuable person.
There are more ways to build safety systems in a way that is not limiting, but empowering, and such a reporting system is just one of many that need to be implemented.
How much time are you spending in the presence of children with phones? I see you mention surveys, but those are very easy to fib on. I think any parent whose child has friends with phones will give you a different perspective. Also, what demographics and income levels are these families you are observing or taking surveys from?
I would add to the list of negatives- smartphones decrease opportunities for boredom and for short “breaks” for your brain to pause and rest. Most people just pick up a phone when they’re bored. These things are also important to neurodevelopment and to brain health as we age.
I also think it is naive, frankly, to think that you can simply teach a child or teen brain (with an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex) to simply resist and control one of the most *intentionally* addictive devices ever created. As someone who overcame addictive behaviors in my late 20s that I developed in my teens, I can tell you it would not have been possible for me to deal with them out of sheer willpower and education when I was younger, especially without a truly supportive social environment. The reality is that there will be screen-based addictive behaviors for many young people and it will impact their brain health. I think we would need quite an extensive social wellness shift to remedy that; it isn’t something most parents could deal with on their own.
Katie, I agree with you about the boredom bit, but respectfully disagree about the teen brain. It wasn't that long ago that respected scientists made similar arguments about women's brains and African's brains. History shows that teens are perfectly capable of responsible, self-controlled behavior, and I have enough experience with teens to know they are. But our treatment of them as deficient, our failure to allow kids freedoms as they are growing up, becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. More on this in another letter.
I actually strongly disagree with this. We know the prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until the mid-twenties. The PFC is responsible for complex functions like planning, decision-making, and impulse control so comparing a teen's brain to those of women's or African's is patently absurd and bad science. There is a reason that teens don't have the right to vote, that drinking and partaking in marijuana is illegal and even why societies delay the ability to drive a car until 16. I like so much of what you write, don't undermine your message with a statement like this.
Amanda, I plan to write an article before long analyzing the brain research concerning differences in brains as a function of age. I am a neuroscientist by background and am quite aware of the research. It is far more controversial than you might think. One thing I might mention now, however, is that much animal research show that the forebrain , or more specifically reliable connection from forebrain to lower centers, grows with play and independent activity. It would be interesting to compare the brains of kids who have grown with plenty of opportunity for play and independent activity with those growing up in the much more restrained ways of the majority of young people in our current society. By assuming children are not capable of responsibility we are stifling their brain development.
I was a victim of bullying and my counter strategy was to become a bully. When you "deserve it" being bullied IS justice, so I began to participate in this.
Its the kind of behavior you expect when freedom of association is taken away, when we are forced to be together, the cage makes us act differently than we would have otherwise.
Its easy for me to blame my environment. All great injustice we commit, we later contextualize by the options we claim we did not have.
I think many of the upsides of smartphones can be achieved through dumb phones, with few if any of the downsides.
My kids will be getting a basic phone with calls and text but no internet access for their first phones. They'll have greater freedom for real world exploration, without getting drawn into algorithms and other negatives of smartphones.
Dumb phones 1. enable outdoor safety by calling emergency services. 2. Many (although not all) smartphone alternatives enable navigation with a map function. 3. Many have cameras and I think all have note functionality to enable documentation. 6. Most allow for amusement through either games or music players (options are specific to the smartphone alternative bought, some dumb phones are more basic than others, which for some adults would be seen as a bonus). 7. They all allow connecting with peers. 8. They foster at least basic digital skills. And 9. They allow trust to be built, which can lead to greater trust and full smartphone ownership
The only advantages missing are those for 4. education and 5. creative self-expression, but those can both be supported through other forms of tech
I think giving a child or young teen a smartphone is like giving a learner driver an race car. Too much power too soon. A dumb phone gives them the chance to learn the basics while building trust and confidence. And it allows for, in my opinion, the greatest benefits for kids having phones, which is being able to connect with friends while having greater freedom to explore the real world away from their parents.
As the parent of a now 19 year-old, I recommend simply delaying the introduction of a smartphone for as long as possible to allow them to develop 'real world' relationships, hobbies and passions. Our daughter got her first smartphone at 14 by which time, her out-of-school hours were already fully occupied with youth drama, dance classes, music practice and volunteering - all self-chosen activities. At the start we agreed a 2hr limit on phone use based on reserach that this was the optimum time to support wellbeing. Our daughter chose how to use the 2 hours, splitting it between following her favourite bands/sports teams, playing games and digital art apps. We didn't need to teach phone etiquette but advised blocking notifications to prevent unwanted interruptions and the phone was put on charge in another room at bedtime. The 2hr limit was gradually lifted and Instagram allowed at 16 years (private account) and responsible use has continued - mainly because she's 'too busy' doing more interesting real world things than constantly scrolling.
I'm a self-professed luddite - and happliy so - but I accept that today's teens are growing up in a different time.
Postscript. We used some great resources from the Centre for Humane Technology to think and talk about phone use before giving our daughter a smartphone.
Thanks for a thorough guide that is grounded in fact. Children are capable if given a chance but parents first have to believe in their children and their abilities. Transferring control for self management requires slow age appropriate transfers so by the age of 16 they can run their lives with a few yrs to mess up, and recover before they are completely on their own. Waiting to give freedom until teen yrs almost assures anxiety and reluctance totry. College professors state students today are afraid to make any decisions until they check with their parents. Transfer if control begins as children take responsibility for a task.
I appreciate the nuance you delve into in this article. I especially like (and noticed) how you repeatedly point out that so many of the issues kids face surrounding smartphone use are also issues adults are facing.
Along those lines, I would ask, when you suggest smart phone bans in particular situations (camps, recess, etc.), would you advocate for the same in adult group situations as well? Who gets to decide which situations warrant a a ban and which don't? Just more food for thought.
I think the part that felt missing (it's implicit, but not made explicit, in your writing here), is that parental support and communication about these issues needs to be ongoing. And I don't mean "lecture your kid at every turn about their smartphone use." No. Absolutely not a solution, just more of a way to get them to distance themselves from you and your smartphone opinions. What I mean is that regular, genuine, relationship-based discussions between parents/adult mentors and young people is a key to supporting our young people in developing better habits with their phones over time, and navigating the issues with smartphone use in the world. It's also a key to keeping US parents and adults accountable as well. As you repeatedly mentioned, adults struggle with most of these factors as well. I think open communication and mutual support around smartphone use is so important in family and group dynamics... it's not something many of us are used to practicing, but if we are going to try to hold our kids accountable to certain expectations then they should be able to do the same with us. And I welcome it, because I need reminders and support about a lot of this as well.
Bria, thank you for this thoughtful comment. Yes, all of the "rules" that I suggest should apply to adults as well as kids. And respectful ongoing discussion about smartphone issues (and many other issues) among family members is very important, even in families without kids.
Hi Peter, I would like to know what are your opinions about limits set ons teens phones (13 year old)? Like having app time limits to help them manage how long they spend on the smartphones?
Jessica, I don't have a flat yes or no opinion on any of this. It would depend on the kid and would result from extensive discussion with that kid about their needs and desires and understanding of the value of limitations of such an app.
Thank u Peter for your insight! I hate when people and even family members disrespect others because they r using their phone at the dinner table, while mid conversation or, and my pet hate, when their child is constantly calling, ‘Dad! Dad! Dad!’ (Adult still not answering!😡) I could kill!! Seeing my grandchildren trying to gain attention from their parent/s and their little faces, being rejected again, gets my goat and I want to scream 😱 (but instead I’ve pointed out calmly, ((I’m not much of a screamer 😂)) value the time u have with them, be present in their lives because in the blink of an eye they r all grown up and won’t want or need u anymore 😢
I have now banned all smartphones from my dinner table and while in my home, if u can’t put your phone down and spend quality time with your family then don’t come to dinner at my home!!
Thanks again Peter, I look forward to your next letter.
I love the point that phone etiquette is a society-wide issue and we are maturing into both the problem and the solution. It reminds me a little of drunk driving; in the 50s and 60s, it was socially normal for people to drink heavily, even during the day, and drive. Access to alcohol and private cars was fairly new. But well before it became codified in law, there was a realization that it was dangerous and irresponsible, and the social norms started to change. Now, almost no one thinks it is acceptable.
We are all learning how to have this technology in our lives, and we can sit side-by-side with our kids in that exploration.
While I appreciate your ideas to mitigations of the dangers of smartphone, I miss the systemic viewpoint. Let's take reporting as an example: As you pointed out in the article, we teach children that when things go sideways in the realm world, and they are in danger, they should talk to someone, including, if necessary, call 911. The online equivalence to that is the report system in social media systems. Unfortunately, children often do not report online incidents. When asked why they don't do that, a very common response is that they feel that the report won't solve the issue, that they don't get support they need (or at least not in the right way). The analogue equivalent would be a child asking for help - and no one answering. The logical conclusion the child will make is that it is better not to report and cope with the problem by themselves. You and I as an individual can't change these reporting systems, but those who offer the platforms can. Such measures would be both empowering for the children - it's them who decide to make the report, and they have at least a limited say on what will happen next. Such measures would also make them feel valued and heard, and not be "just a kid", but a valuable person.
There are more ways to build safety systems in a way that is not limiting, but empowering, and such a reporting system is just one of many that need to be implemented.
For those who decide to give their children a device, you might consider a letter like this for such a significant step: https://chriswmckenna.substack.com/p/a-moms-brilliant-smartphone-letter
How much time are you spending in the presence of children with phones? I see you mention surveys, but those are very easy to fib on. I think any parent whose child has friends with phones will give you a different perspective. Also, what demographics and income levels are these families you are observing or taking surveys from?
I would add to the list of negatives- smartphones decrease opportunities for boredom and for short “breaks” for your brain to pause and rest. Most people just pick up a phone when they’re bored. These things are also important to neurodevelopment and to brain health as we age.
I also think it is naive, frankly, to think that you can simply teach a child or teen brain (with an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex) to simply resist and control one of the most *intentionally* addictive devices ever created. As someone who overcame addictive behaviors in my late 20s that I developed in my teens, I can tell you it would not have been possible for me to deal with them out of sheer willpower and education when I was younger, especially without a truly supportive social environment. The reality is that there will be screen-based addictive behaviors for many young people and it will impact their brain health. I think we would need quite an extensive social wellness shift to remedy that; it isn’t something most parents could deal with on their own.
Katie, I agree with you about the boredom bit, but respectfully disagree about the teen brain. It wasn't that long ago that respected scientists made similar arguments about women's brains and African's brains. History shows that teens are perfectly capable of responsible, self-controlled behavior, and I have enough experience with teens to know they are. But our treatment of them as deficient, our failure to allow kids freedoms as they are growing up, becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. More on this in another letter.
I actually strongly disagree with this. We know the prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until the mid-twenties. The PFC is responsible for complex functions like planning, decision-making, and impulse control so comparing a teen's brain to those of women's or African's is patently absurd and bad science. There is a reason that teens don't have the right to vote, that drinking and partaking in marijuana is illegal and even why societies delay the ability to drive a car until 16. I like so much of what you write, don't undermine your message with a statement like this.
Amanda, I plan to write an article before long analyzing the brain research concerning differences in brains as a function of age. I am a neuroscientist by background and am quite aware of the research. It is far more controversial than you might think. One thing I might mention now, however, is that much animal research show that the forebrain , or more specifically reliable connection from forebrain to lower centers, grows with play and independent activity. It would be interesting to compare the brains of kids who have grown with plenty of opportunity for play and independent activity with those growing up in the much more restrained ways of the majority of young people in our current society. By assuming children are not capable of responsibility we are stifling their brain development.
I was a victim of bullying and my counter strategy was to become a bully. When you "deserve it" being bullied IS justice, so I began to participate in this.
Its the kind of behavior you expect when freedom of association is taken away, when we are forced to be together, the cage makes us act differently than we would have otherwise.
Its easy for me to blame my environment. All great injustice we commit, we later contextualize by the options we claim we did not have.
I think many of the upsides of smartphones can be achieved through dumb phones, with few if any of the downsides.
My kids will be getting a basic phone with calls and text but no internet access for their first phones. They'll have greater freedom for real world exploration, without getting drawn into algorithms and other negatives of smartphones.
Beck, I wonder if you can elaborate on which of the benefits I listed for smartphones are available on dumb phones and which are not.
Absolutely!
Dumb phones 1. enable outdoor safety by calling emergency services. 2. Many (although not all) smartphone alternatives enable navigation with a map function. 3. Many have cameras and I think all have note functionality to enable documentation. 6. Most allow for amusement through either games or music players (options are specific to the smartphone alternative bought, some dumb phones are more basic than others, which for some adults would be seen as a bonus). 7. They all allow connecting with peers. 8. They foster at least basic digital skills. And 9. They allow trust to be built, which can lead to greater trust and full smartphone ownership
The only advantages missing are those for 4. education and 5. creative self-expression, but those can both be supported through other forms of tech
I think giving a child or young teen a smartphone is like giving a learner driver an race car. Too much power too soon. A dumb phone gives them the chance to learn the basics while building trust and confidence. And it allows for, in my opinion, the greatest benefits for kids having phones, which is being able to connect with friends while having greater freedom to explore the real world away from their parents.
Thank you, Beck. This seems like a useful summary of the diffeence.
As the parent of a now 19 year-old, I recommend simply delaying the introduction of a smartphone for as long as possible to allow them to develop 'real world' relationships, hobbies and passions. Our daughter got her first smartphone at 14 by which time, her out-of-school hours were already fully occupied with youth drama, dance classes, music practice and volunteering - all self-chosen activities. At the start we agreed a 2hr limit on phone use based on reserach that this was the optimum time to support wellbeing. Our daughter chose how to use the 2 hours, splitting it between following her favourite bands/sports teams, playing games and digital art apps. We didn't need to teach phone etiquette but advised blocking notifications to prevent unwanted interruptions and the phone was put on charge in another room at bedtime. The 2hr limit was gradually lifted and Instagram allowed at 16 years (private account) and responsible use has continued - mainly because she's 'too busy' doing more interesting real world things than constantly scrolling.
I'm a self-professed luddite - and happliy so - but I accept that today's teens are growing up in a different time.
Thanks Peter for a fair and balanced article.
Postscript. We used some great resources from the Centre for Humane Technology to think and talk about phone use before giving our daughter a smartphone.
humanetech.com
Thank you, I'll take a look at this site.
Thanks for a thorough guide that is grounded in fact. Children are capable if given a chance but parents first have to believe in their children and their abilities. Transferring control for self management requires slow age appropriate transfers so by the age of 16 they can run their lives with a few yrs to mess up, and recover before they are completely on their own. Waiting to give freedom until teen yrs almost assures anxiety and reluctance totry. College professors state students today are afraid to make any decisions until they check with their parents. Transfer if control begins as children take responsibility for a task.
Hi Peter,
I appreciate the nuance you delve into in this article. I especially like (and noticed) how you repeatedly point out that so many of the issues kids face surrounding smartphone use are also issues adults are facing.
Along those lines, I would ask, when you suggest smart phone bans in particular situations (camps, recess, etc.), would you advocate for the same in adult group situations as well? Who gets to decide which situations warrant a a ban and which don't? Just more food for thought.
I think the part that felt missing (it's implicit, but not made explicit, in your writing here), is that parental support and communication about these issues needs to be ongoing. And I don't mean "lecture your kid at every turn about their smartphone use." No. Absolutely not a solution, just more of a way to get them to distance themselves from you and your smartphone opinions. What I mean is that regular, genuine, relationship-based discussions between parents/adult mentors and young people is a key to supporting our young people in developing better habits with their phones over time, and navigating the issues with smartphone use in the world. It's also a key to keeping US parents and adults accountable as well. As you repeatedly mentioned, adults struggle with most of these factors as well. I think open communication and mutual support around smartphone use is so important in family and group dynamics... it's not something many of us are used to practicing, but if we are going to try to hold our kids accountable to certain expectations then they should be able to do the same with us. And I welcome it, because I need reminders and support about a lot of this as well.
Bria, thank you for this thoughtful comment. Yes, all of the "rules" that I suggest should apply to adults as well as kids. And respectful ongoing discussion about smartphone issues (and many other issues) among family members is very important, even in families without kids.
Hi Peter, I would like to know what are your opinions about limits set ons teens phones (13 year old)? Like having app time limits to help them manage how long they spend on the smartphones?
Jessica, I don't have a flat yes or no opinion on any of this. It would depend on the kid and would result from extensive discussion with that kid about their needs and desires and understanding of the value of limitations of such an app.
Thank u Peter for your insight! I hate when people and even family members disrespect others because they r using their phone at the dinner table, while mid conversation or, and my pet hate, when their child is constantly calling, ‘Dad! Dad! Dad!’ (Adult still not answering!😡) I could kill!! Seeing my grandchildren trying to gain attention from their parent/s and their little faces, being rejected again, gets my goat and I want to scream 😱 (but instead I’ve pointed out calmly, ((I’m not much of a screamer 😂)) value the time u have with them, be present in their lives because in the blink of an eye they r all grown up and won’t want or need u anymore 😢
I have now banned all smartphones from my dinner table and while in my home, if u can’t put your phone down and spend quality time with your family then don’t come to dinner at my home!!
Thanks again Peter, I look forward to your next letter.
Merry Christmas 🎄
I love the point that phone etiquette is a society-wide issue and we are maturing into both the problem and the solution. It reminds me a little of drunk driving; in the 50s and 60s, it was socially normal for people to drink heavily, even during the day, and drive. Access to alcohol and private cars was fairly new. But well before it became codified in law, there was a realization that it was dangerous and irresponsible, and the social norms started to change. Now, almost no one thinks it is acceptable.
We are all learning how to have this technology in our lives, and we can sit side-by-side with our kids in that exploration.