I am really interested in starting my own forest school. Recently Ive moved away from terms like unschooling and even self directed ed, as it carries more questions and stigma than I care to address each and every time. Now we are focusing on natural education or even free education as a way to express these ideas in a more accessible language. Im so happy to see these resources you’ve provided and I really hope I can attend.
Would you say it is possible to integrate self-directed learning principles even for children who attend mainstream schools? I have an almost four year old who attends a montessori nursery, but is due to start school later this year. There is only enough flexibility in our careers to ensure that she does not attend after school clubs every day of the week, and we cannot realistically change that.
Suchata, the best you can do, I think, would be to bring the principles of SDE into your home, giving your child maximal opportunity for self-directed behavior outside of school. You might find this letter helpful: https://petergray.substack.com/p/letter-89-on-being-a-trustful-autonomy
Hi Suchata, those constraints are very real and I think a lot of people experience them. I agree with Peter — there are definitely ways to support your kid with SDE principles and ways of being at home even when they are in school.
You will be swimming upstream a bit in some ways. But I think some very practical considerations are:
- What will you do and say to your kid about homework?
- Are you ready to push back against the school?
-What values do you want to emphasize instead, and how will you focus on those in your family?
-How will you talk about school and the school’s values and demands at home with your kid?
-Even if the child attends school, what kind of opting out can you do? (Of testing, of homework, etc.)
Thank you Peter for grounding this work so clearly in both lived experience and collective effort. What stood out to me was how often the challenge isn’t belief in children, but isolation among adults trying to live differently. The emphasis on alliance, not ideology, feels crucial here.
One reflection your piece stirred is how language itself becomes a barrier. Even when families sense something isn’t working, terms like “unschooling” or “self-directed” can trigger defensiveness. I wonder if part of ASDE’s long-term impact will be helping people translate these ideas into everyday relational practices—so the philosophy can be felt before it’s understood.
Yes Kunlun, I agree. Language is such a difficult thing. It can immediatly speak to us or turn us off from an idea or possibility. It has been a constant struggle in SDE, but I think language is a constant struggle in many movements.
Totally agree, Bria! Language can either open a door or quietly shut it before curiosity even has a chance. Maybe the real work is less about perfect terminology and more about creating experiences and relationships that let the meaning land first, with language catching up later.
Thanks! Based on your quote below I am an advocate of SDE 🙂
“To the advocate of Self-Directed Education, it emerges out of children’s natural drives to understand themselves and the world around them and to use whatever resources are available in their environment, including knowledgeable and skilled others, to achieve that end.”
Peter’s article is a great summary of progressive education compared to SDE. I want to speak specifically to Montessori. There are definitely some child-centered ideas in Montessori. But ultimately, the adult is still deciding the right path and right way to use tools in order to learn specific skills that the adults decided are important for everyone to learn.
One example of how Montessori differs is that the materials are meant to be used in a specific way in order to get to a specific result. But if you watch children play, this is counter to their natural instincts to manipulate and test out materials to figure out as many possible creative uses as they can, and figure out how they work. By putting constraints on how these material are used, you are severely limiting children’s self-directedness, as well as their natural instincts about how they play with and learn about tools of their culture.
I’m very interested in this topic. I’ve read quite a bit and even published on how children learn in non-industrial/traditional communities. It’s fascinating. I think we took a wrong turn and need to rethink/restore how learning actually happens.
I’m glad there is now more community than there was at the time I was being homeschooled/unschooled in the same era as the author. I do believe that self-directed education is how we naturally and most effectively learn, but I think being engaged with a community is essential for it to work. This makes it more difficult for homeschoolers/unschoolers when children’s community is largely found at school.
I do wish self-directed education were more of a norm, but as long as it’s outside the norm, it creates social challenges (including stigma, even if all social needs are met). I was very socially isolated for most of my childhood (I did have play groups, but they did not meet nearly as often as kids in school saw each other; granted, I guess the kids in school were only technically allowed to talk to each other for a few periods each day). I don’t think it had to be that way and I know it’s not what’s being advocated here, but it was difficult, especially in that era.
I actually did well academically when I did go to school, but socially it was a nightmare (because I was instantly perceived as "different" and didn't have the social experience to know how to handle it) and I feel it's essential to ensure that homeschoolers/unschoolers have access to connection and engagement with community; otherwise it can be an extreme form of sheltering. I do believe in self-directed education, but I think social stigma and isolation are the biggest issues it has to face.
As a kid who loved to read, it’s a little difficult for me sometimes to read passages almost bragging about not having to read. (Though I can also relate to having difficulty getting through books of dense material.) I liked being out of school so that I could read whatever I liked and not get judged for being “nerdy” and “boring”. I was used to having my interests called “boring” and having people try to force me to socialize through activities I wasn’t interested in.
Sometimes I feel like there is a “playing outside is better than reading” angle to these articles, but some kids’ form of play IS reading. Stories, fiction, and fantasy are also forms of imaginative play. Of course, it’s important for a kid to find community that they want to engage with, rather than being forced.
What I wish is that I’d known how to find community in-person of people who shared and would support my interests, but it took me a very long time to learn how to do this. I am glad to see people working to give the current generation of homeschoolers/unschoolers more opportunity.
Thanks for this comment. It really highlights how easily shortened versions of long stories can be misinterpreted. I am also sorry to hear about your experiences of being isolated and struggling with feeling othered in your life because of not going to school. I can relate to how people judge you upon hearing you were a homeschooler… to be honest, to deal with that in college and for awhile after, I never told anyone I was homeschooled until they knew me better. Then I would always get the “oh, you don’t seem at ALL like you were homeschooled” which is a whole other can of worms to figure out 🫠
This was my experience and preferences and only mine. My brother (left out of this particular story, but who I do mention often in interviews) did not stare out the window hoping to play outside with kids, and was much more happily reading even “assigned” books from my dad. Playing outside isn’t inherently better, and I absolutely understand being concerned about that angle. It’s just what I wanted to do at that time. And I remember this particular feeling so vividly.
I was also careful to say that I didn’t want to read books or engage in things that I found uninteresting. What I left out (and I probably could have cleared up with just an added sentence!) is that I was and still am a voracious reader. I love reading and as a kid I read every night, mostly fiction, but sometimes nonfiction as well. My boredom was not about the reading itself.
As for the rest of it — I absolutely agree that there are many ways for this to be a struggle. But I also think that many kids in public school are struggling so hard as well. In many cases, SDE, even when imperfect, is a better option for the preservation of both mental health and sense of self. But as long as we keep othering folks (hence, as long as this isn’t normalized) it will come with its own added baggage and it’s really difficult to witness and deal with that. There are a lot of considerations to making this work. It definitely is a much more involved choice than deciding to send your kids to the public conventional school option that is right there and that most people are going to. But then, having kids in school comes with its own set of constant battles and struggles as well and ones that often have such a negative impact on the kids.
All of this is why I have dedicated my life to supporting folks through this and untangling the complexities of this decision. It isn’t simple! It isn’t idealistic! We are still absolutely dealing with a lot of constraints. And we don’t have easy community near us to support us in our choices. But that is changing slowly and I hope it will continue to change over time.
I am really interested in starting my own forest school. Recently Ive moved away from terms like unschooling and even self directed ed, as it carries more questions and stigma than I care to address each and every time. Now we are focusing on natural education or even free education as a way to express these ideas in a more accessible language. Im so happy to see these resources you’ve provided and I really hope I can attend.
Let us know how we can support you!
Thank you for your work.
Would you say it is possible to integrate self-directed learning principles even for children who attend mainstream schools? I have an almost four year old who attends a montessori nursery, but is due to start school later this year. There is only enough flexibility in our careers to ensure that she does not attend after school clubs every day of the week, and we cannot realistically change that.
Suchata, the best you can do, I think, would be to bring the principles of SDE into your home, giving your child maximal opportunity for self-directed behavior outside of school. You might find this letter helpful: https://petergray.substack.com/p/letter-89-on-being-a-trustful-autonomy
Thanks Peter!
Here is another resource that you may want to check out: https://www.unschoolingschool.com
Hi Suchata, those constraints are very real and I think a lot of people experience them. I agree with Peter — there are definitely ways to support your kid with SDE principles and ways of being at home even when they are in school.
You will be swimming upstream a bit in some ways. But I think some very practical considerations are:
- What will you do and say to your kid about homework?
- Are you ready to push back against the school?
-What values do you want to emphasize instead, and how will you focus on those in your family?
-How will you talk about school and the school’s values and demands at home with your kid?
-Even if the child attends school, what kind of opting out can you do? (Of testing, of homework, etc.)
Thank you Peter for grounding this work so clearly in both lived experience and collective effort. What stood out to me was how often the challenge isn’t belief in children, but isolation among adults trying to live differently. The emphasis on alliance, not ideology, feels crucial here.
One reflection your piece stirred is how language itself becomes a barrier. Even when families sense something isn’t working, terms like “unschooling” or “self-directed” can trigger defensiveness. I wonder if part of ASDE’s long-term impact will be helping people translate these ideas into everyday relational practices—so the philosophy can be felt before it’s understood.
Yes Kunlun, I agree. Language is such a difficult thing. It can immediatly speak to us or turn us off from an idea or possibility. It has been a constant struggle in SDE, but I think language is a constant struggle in many movements.
Totally agree, Bria! Language can either open a door or quietly shut it before curiosity even has a chance. Maybe the real work is less about perfect terminology and more about creating experiences and relationships that let the meaning land first, with language catching up later.
Yes, I love this point!
Thank you Bria! Love the chat with you.
Thanks for the introduction to ASDE, I signed up for the newsletter.
Seems similar to Montessori? Do you see overlap there?
James, you might find this letter interesting, where I contrast SDE with progressive education (which would include Montessori): https://petergray.substack.com/p/differences-between-self-directed
Thanks! Based on your quote below I am an advocate of SDE 🙂
“To the advocate of Self-Directed Education, it emerges out of children’s natural drives to understand themselves and the world around them and to use whatever resources are available in their environment, including knowledgeable and skilled others, to achieve that end.”
Hi James,
Peter’s article is a great summary of progressive education compared to SDE. I want to speak specifically to Montessori. There are definitely some child-centered ideas in Montessori. But ultimately, the adult is still deciding the right path and right way to use tools in order to learn specific skills that the adults decided are important for everyone to learn.
One example of how Montessori differs is that the materials are meant to be used in a specific way in order to get to a specific result. But if you watch children play, this is counter to their natural instincts to manipulate and test out materials to figure out as many possible creative uses as they can, and figure out how they work. By putting constraints on how these material are used, you are severely limiting children’s self-directedness, as well as their natural instincts about how they play with and learn about tools of their culture.
Thanks Bria!
I’m very interested in this topic. I’ve read quite a bit and even published on how children learn in non-industrial/traditional communities. It’s fascinating. I think we took a wrong turn and need to rethink/restore how learning actually happens.
For example - https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/chapter/bookseries/abs/pii/S0065240715000336
Just wanted to say how much I appreciate this as an unschooling parent to 4 kids aged 11-19yo. It's great to have these resources and support links!
Hi Rachel,
Thanks for saying this! It's good to hear that our efforts are helpful :)
I’m glad there is now more community than there was at the time I was being homeschooled/unschooled in the same era as the author. I do believe that self-directed education is how we naturally and most effectively learn, but I think being engaged with a community is essential for it to work. This makes it more difficult for homeschoolers/unschoolers when children’s community is largely found at school.
I do wish self-directed education were more of a norm, but as long as it’s outside the norm, it creates social challenges (including stigma, even if all social needs are met). I was very socially isolated for most of my childhood (I did have play groups, but they did not meet nearly as often as kids in school saw each other; granted, I guess the kids in school were only technically allowed to talk to each other for a few periods each day). I don’t think it had to be that way and I know it’s not what’s being advocated here, but it was difficult, especially in that era.
I actually did well academically when I did go to school, but socially it was a nightmare (because I was instantly perceived as "different" and didn't have the social experience to know how to handle it) and I feel it's essential to ensure that homeschoolers/unschoolers have access to connection and engagement with community; otherwise it can be an extreme form of sheltering. I do believe in self-directed education, but I think social stigma and isolation are the biggest issues it has to face.
As a kid who loved to read, it’s a little difficult for me sometimes to read passages almost bragging about not having to read. (Though I can also relate to having difficulty getting through books of dense material.) I liked being out of school so that I could read whatever I liked and not get judged for being “nerdy” and “boring”. I was used to having my interests called “boring” and having people try to force me to socialize through activities I wasn’t interested in.
Sometimes I feel like there is a “playing outside is better than reading” angle to these articles, but some kids’ form of play IS reading. Stories, fiction, and fantasy are also forms of imaginative play. Of course, it’s important for a kid to find community that they want to engage with, rather than being forced.
What I wish is that I’d known how to find community in-person of people who shared and would support my interests, but it took me a very long time to learn how to do this. I am glad to see people working to give the current generation of homeschoolers/unschoolers more opportunity.
Hi Jean,
Thanks for this comment. It really highlights how easily shortened versions of long stories can be misinterpreted. I am also sorry to hear about your experiences of being isolated and struggling with feeling othered in your life because of not going to school. I can relate to how people judge you upon hearing you were a homeschooler… to be honest, to deal with that in college and for awhile after, I never told anyone I was homeschooled until they knew me better. Then I would always get the “oh, you don’t seem at ALL like you were homeschooled” which is a whole other can of worms to figure out 🫠
This was my experience and preferences and only mine. My brother (left out of this particular story, but who I do mention often in interviews) did not stare out the window hoping to play outside with kids, and was much more happily reading even “assigned” books from my dad. Playing outside isn’t inherently better, and I absolutely understand being concerned about that angle. It’s just what I wanted to do at that time. And I remember this particular feeling so vividly.
I was also careful to say that I didn’t want to read books or engage in things that I found uninteresting. What I left out (and I probably could have cleared up with just an added sentence!) is that I was and still am a voracious reader. I love reading and as a kid I read every night, mostly fiction, but sometimes nonfiction as well. My boredom was not about the reading itself.
As for the rest of it — I absolutely agree that there are many ways for this to be a struggle. But I also think that many kids in public school are struggling so hard as well. In many cases, SDE, even when imperfect, is a better option for the preservation of both mental health and sense of self. But as long as we keep othering folks (hence, as long as this isn’t normalized) it will come with its own added baggage and it’s really difficult to witness and deal with that. There are a lot of considerations to making this work. It definitely is a much more involved choice than deciding to send your kids to the public conventional school option that is right there and that most people are going to. But then, having kids in school comes with its own set of constant battles and struggles as well and ones that often have such a negative impact on the kids.
All of this is why I have dedicated my life to supporting folks through this and untangling the complexities of this decision. It isn’t simple! It isn’t idealistic! We are still absolutely dealing with a lot of constraints. And we don’t have easy community near us to support us in our choices. But that is changing slowly and I hope it will continue to change over time.