I would infer that I was a bad student, but I could have cared less. That is, I would like to brag about how little I cared, but I have to be honest that I cared enough to be affected.
Having said that, no, I don't have anxious dreams about school, but then anxiety is the one emotional state I can least relate to generally. I've always had a strong sense of who I was and what I was doing which I suspect has kept me rooted enough to avoid anxiety. Frankly I have struggled in the past to respect people with anxiety because I could always tell they weren't rooted in anything solid of their own choosing. I still feel this way, but I've gotten better at being polite and sympathetic.
I occasionally have dreams where I have to sit an exam again. Variations are I didn’t attend the classes and didn’t realise I was going to have an exam, or I have to resit my college exams today but I don’t remember anything. Or I’m naked and have to sit an exam! All filled with level 4 anxiety and shame and confusion around why I have to do this again.
I did try hard at school and did well in college though I did burn out in my early 40,s.
Fascinating Peter! I remember as a kid how the adults around me often talked about how free and easy being a child was, their memories of childhood so counter to my l experience of being forced through our society to go off to school every day,,, a school that valued and enforced a boring boxed-in way of thinking, and lots and lots of rules you needed to follow. Playful creativity was not fostered, and rote learning was expected. My reoccuring dreams mostly have to do with failing. With realizing that I'm back in school and the teacher is handing out a test, always in some subject I'm clueless about. Old feelings rise up through these dreams of panic and helplessness, there being no way to do it right or succeed. And yes, what a lot of years it seems to take to quiet the demons of self doubt and let the playful universe guide and dance through you?
Great survey! I do wonder if your readership is skewed. That is, most people who read your blog may do so because they question whether schools are worthwhile.
That said, I was a good student and always said I liked school, and yet, the only dreams I ever had of school were frustrating.
Yes, this point is well taken. The people who respond to my surveys are not an unbiased sample of the population; they are people who have been following my writing and who have chosen to respond to the survey. The responses make interesting stories and generate interesting ideas, which could be followed up with scientific research, but are not themselves scientific research. What I think is most interesting in the study is how similar the dreams are to one another, across srespondents.
I was not a great student by middle school, and I dropped out of high school nearly 25 years ago. I haven’t had a single school dream that I can recall!
My recurrent unpleasant dream is set in college and typically involves anxiety because I have not been going to classes, don't know where or when they are, don't know where my dorm room is and cannot figure out how to get that information. Typically, I am also not wearing shoes. At some point I realize with great relief that I already have my MD and that it doesn't matter what I do in college.
So interesting that it seems to be the "good" students, us pleasers and perfectionists, who have the most anxiety-riddled school dreams. I'm guessing it's because we bought into the system and consciously (or unconsciously) believed that our worth and value hung on conforming to and excelling within the system, and to fail at that would thus have been a monstrous personal disaster. I too have had recurring school dreams, mostly about college where I'd realize I'd not been attending classes and had failed to graduate and would have to return to undergrad from adult life to finish my failed courses. In my K-8 years I often had the dream where I'd show up at school without pants on, and suddenly realize my pantlessness while in class with everyone staring at me and laughing. A whole other unrelated topic of dreams to dive into are the so-called "wait-mares" - nightmares about waiting tables, that waiters and serving staff at restaurants always have. I still have those to this day much more commonly, after years of waiting tables during high school, undergrad, and grad school. Now I'm realizing, that restaurant work always coincided with intense schooling, so perhaps the two are blended somehow.
I was a straight A student - a valedictorian. I did enjoy high school because of the social elements. It was built in the 70's as an experiment and the classrooms did not have walls but partitions. It was easier to build cross-age friendships. The classes were easy for me. As honor students we had a lot of freedom and did more creative learning that was fun and engaging. I followed the honors path for going to college. That meant only a couple classes your junior and senior year that you could pick because you wanted to take the class. I was on the road to a four-year college.
However, I was a child of low middle class divorced parents. We did not have much money. My mother kicked me out near the end of my senior year. I had to survive instead of going to college. I had skills but did not know my joy. I survived.
I always made too much money to get financial aid when I did try to go back to college but not enough to pay for college easily. After taking community courses for a couple years and getting my AA, I went back to college full-time in my late 20's for one quarter with a $10,000 loan. I had a car payment and rent. Someone else was there my age with full financial aid living rent free in the dorms. I asked how they got aid. They said that had to not work for an entire year before going back to school. I did not have a support system that would have allowed me to do that. I had to return to work after that quarter. I like taking classes, but I did not have the luxury of taking classes to discover what I enjoyed. I had to eat, pay rent and pay my bills.
I did well financially in the corporate world. I was not doing something that was my bliss. I quit and began to search for my bliss in my 30's before I had my kids. When I did have my kids, I did not want my path for my children. I wanted them to be able to enjoy their childhood before the demands of adult. I wanted them to play and find their bliss. To choose activities that they wanted to do. Thus, my kids have never been to a system school. (I originally used to say public school, but many private schools are the same.) I feel doing something you love is more important than acquiring skills deemed important by someone else.
I do have the high school dream here and there. I have the shame of not going to college. Everyone is back at high school, but I am the only one that doesn't have a college degree. I have the I can't find my class or know my schedule turmoil. But there is one thing I think I have different than most of everyone else you have shared about. While I have the anxiety of not following the system, I have the knowledge that I am choosing not to follow the system because I don't want to take those classes. They do not interest me, and I am skipping them because of that. I am not taking the honors classes, and I miss my friends in them, but I don't want to take those classes. The class that I am taking that is on the college track is Spanish. Interestingly I do desire to speak foreign languages easily, so I am able to communicate with others. However, I do not attend that class regularly only a few times. I want to ability but don't enjoy the method of the class. I am choosing to do what I want.
Even though I do realize I am choosing to skip my classes because I don't like them, I still have the anxiety or dread that I am not graduating. I will be back next year while everyone else that followed the system is graduating. Following the system kills our choice and voice but not following the system excludes us from continuing with the pack of society.
I wonder if those of us that have this dream were to look at what was going on in our lives at the time would find something that was keeping us from being our authentic self. That perhaps a system of society was imposing on us again. That is what us "good students" did. We sacrificed our voice, our wants, our desires to please the system presented before us. Even if we had a strong sense of self.
I had an empowering spiritual upbringing that gave me a strong sense of self. It taught me I was responsible for my life and my reactions to life. However, I was still using the system for emotional validation. My parents came from abusive upbringings and did not have strong emotional skills. Thus, I turned to the system I was placed in as a child. A system that was devised to kill my identity so I could fit into a need and mold of someone else.
The next time I have the dream, if I do, I am going to see what is going on around me to see if it was triggered by another imposing system. Thank you, Peter, for this article. It gave me another lens to exam my personal experience through.
I only went to a US high school for my junior and senior years -- the rest of my schooling happened in the former Soviet Union. The school there was quite different from what I experienced here in the US. In fact, I feel like the two school systems are examples of extremes: here things were too easy, and I did not feel like school here prepared me for college (the only thing I really learned here was English); school there was super hard, but I believe it actually prepared me for college way better academically. However, the social-emotional atmosphere in the US school was so much more welcoming and supportive, whereas in the Soviet school no one cared about how you felt.
I was always a straight A student but the pressure of performing at the top was so high for me. My dreams were always around being asked a question in class and not knowing how to answer, which would be followed by teachers' judgment and students' ridicule. Perfectionism and fear of making mistakes were running high.
I only went to a US high school for my junior and senior years -- the rest of my schooling happened in the former Soviet Union. The school there was quite different from what I experienced here in the US. In fact, I feel like the two school systems are examples of extremes: here things were too easy, and I did not feel like school here prepared me for college (the only thing I really learned here was English); school there was super hard, but I believe it actually prepared me for college way better academically. However, the social-emotional atmosphere in the US school was so much more welcoming and supportive, whereas in the Soviet school no one cared about how you felt.
I was always a straight A student but the pressure of performing at the top was so high for me. My dreams were always around being asked a question in class and not knowing how to answer, which would be followed by teachers' judgment and students' ridicule. Perfectionism and fear of making mistakes were running high.
I have had every variation of the school anxiety dreams listed in the article. Can't get into my locker, don't know where my classroom is, writing a test about things I haven't learned, can't find the exam room, can't access my schedule or class list, mysteriously back in school as an adult, didn't realize I was in a class and now it's time to write the final. Everything except being naked at school.
I also have bonus school anxiety dreams! I have dreamed that I need to get to school to write a test, but the shower won't work and I can't find any clothes. I've dreamed it's a month into the semester, and I suddenly realize I am in an extra class. When I walk into the class for the first time I am already behind on everything, and no one understands why I am just now starting to attend. I am writing an exam, time is up, and my paper is still mostly blank. I'm at school and I don't know which classes I should go to because I don't know what day of the week it is. I've dreamed that I can't remember my username or password for my school account to sign up for classes or see my schedule or see when and where the final exam will be. Then I can't remember the address for the login page. Then I can't find the school website to look for links. Eventually I won't even be able to navigate to the browser - there will be popups, or games that I can't play and can't close out of. It's frustration and anxiety all the way down.
Not all of my school dreams are unpleasant. I've had dreams where the teacher liked me and thought I was an interesting person, or where I'm in a new class and it feels like I could be friends with someone there. Those dreams don't happen nearly as often as the shame/anxiety/frustration ones.
I think it's important to note that I've had similar nightmares about being in a theatre production. I didn't realize I was cast for a part and the play is happening in a few days. Or I got a part but didn't realize there were rehearsals, and I've missed most of them. Or the curtain goes up in 10 minutes and I am just now trying to learn my lines. Or I am onstage and doing my best to play my part even though I don't know what the lines are or even what is supposed to happen in the story.
Now, I liked being in plays in school. I opted into that. A friend has been in a couple productions lately, and I am both thrilled for her and envious. Clearly I miss that part of my life. And also, I have these nightmares (and only nightmares) about performing onstage.
I wonder what kind of dreams athletes have about their sport, or if performers in the arts ever have fun dreams about performing.
I’m one of the minority that has pleasant school dreams, along with the anxiety-themed ones I assume everyone has. I dream that I never finished college and - get - to go back for one more year. The only negative part of the dream is that I’m aware that I don’t really have to finish the degree and it doesn’t make financial sense to do so instead of continuing to work!
first, I wonder if this is also common in Finland where "joy" is written into the curriculum. would be interesting comparison. or a survey from unschooled or Sudbury adults.
I'm 61 y/o. don't often remember my dreams. had same school dream into my 40's. fyi school was prison for me. I was "good kid." dream is elementary school maybe 3rd grade. as adult I discover I actually failed a math class/exam and have to go back and retake. adult me sits in little desk surrounded by little kids in math class. I feel extremely stressed and anxious.
During my teaching career, I consistently had dreams of being unprepared. The bell is about to ring and I have no lesson plan. When I retired, the dreams stopped. My mother, who taught for over 40 years, still has those dreams occasionally in her 80s! I'm convinced that teaching is unlike any profession; in order to do your job, you must immerse your whole self which leaves a permanent mark (good and bad) on your psyche.
Fascinating. I am 68, and still have EXACTLY those two dreams: (1) it’s the end of the semester and I have to write the exam, and I realize I never went to a single class or read the book COMBINED WITH (2) I can’t find the exam room, nobody can help me, I wander in panic through hallways. And then when I finally find the room, I’m late, I only have a pencil, I can’t find a sharpener, time is running out. Oh no! I won’t graduate from high school/college! The only bright side is, after I wake up in anxiety, that i gradually realize: wait! I graduated from high school/college/ law school decades ago! In fact, I’m already retired! So, relax, it was just my regular anxiety dream.
I would infer that I was a bad student, but I could have cared less. That is, I would like to brag about how little I cared, but I have to be honest that I cared enough to be affected.
Having said that, no, I don't have anxious dreams about school, but then anxiety is the one emotional state I can least relate to generally. I've always had a strong sense of who I was and what I was doing which I suspect has kept me rooted enough to avoid anxiety. Frankly I have struggled in the past to respect people with anxiety because I could always tell they weren't rooted in anything solid of their own choosing. I still feel this way, but I've gotten better at being polite and sympathetic.
I occasionally have dreams where I have to sit an exam again. Variations are I didn’t attend the classes and didn’t realise I was going to have an exam, or I have to resit my college exams today but I don’t remember anything. Or I’m naked and have to sit an exam! All filled with level 4 anxiety and shame and confusion around why I have to do this again.
I did try hard at school and did well in college though I did burn out in my early 40,s.
Fascinating Peter! I remember as a kid how the adults around me often talked about how free and easy being a child was, their memories of childhood so counter to my l experience of being forced through our society to go off to school every day,,, a school that valued and enforced a boring boxed-in way of thinking, and lots and lots of rules you needed to follow. Playful creativity was not fostered, and rote learning was expected. My reoccuring dreams mostly have to do with failing. With realizing that I'm back in school and the teacher is handing out a test, always in some subject I'm clueless about. Old feelings rise up through these dreams of panic and helplessness, there being no way to do it right or succeed. And yes, what a lot of years it seems to take to quiet the demons of self doubt and let the playful universe guide and dance through you?
Suzy, it's great to see you here! Love to you and Fred.
Great survey! I do wonder if your readership is skewed. That is, most people who read your blog may do so because they question whether schools are worthwhile.
That said, I was a good student and always said I liked school, and yet, the only dreams I ever had of school were frustrating.
I'm quite certain the readership is skewed.
Yes, this point is well taken. The people who respond to my surveys are not an unbiased sample of the population; they are people who have been following my writing and who have chosen to respond to the survey. The responses make interesting stories and generate interesting ideas, which could be followed up with scientific research, but are not themselves scientific research. What I think is most interesting in the study is how similar the dreams are to one another, across srespondents.
I was not a great student by middle school, and I dropped out of high school nearly 25 years ago. I haven’t had a single school dream that I can recall!
It would be interesting to conduct a systematic study comparing the school dreams (or lack of them) of "good" students with others.
My recurrent unpleasant dream is set in college and typically involves anxiety because I have not been going to classes, don't know where or when they are, don't know where my dorm room is and cannot figure out how to get that information. Typically, I am also not wearing shoes. At some point I realize with great relief that I already have my MD and that it doesn't matter what I do in college.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0g7VoRQPswg
So interesting that it seems to be the "good" students, us pleasers and perfectionists, who have the most anxiety-riddled school dreams. I'm guessing it's because we bought into the system and consciously (or unconsciously) believed that our worth and value hung on conforming to and excelling within the system, and to fail at that would thus have been a monstrous personal disaster. I too have had recurring school dreams, mostly about college where I'd realize I'd not been attending classes and had failed to graduate and would have to return to undergrad from adult life to finish my failed courses. In my K-8 years I often had the dream where I'd show up at school without pants on, and suddenly realize my pantlessness while in class with everyone staring at me and laughing. A whole other unrelated topic of dreams to dive into are the so-called "wait-mares" - nightmares about waiting tables, that waiters and serving staff at restaurants always have. I still have those to this day much more commonly, after years of waiting tables during high school, undergrad, and grad school. Now I'm realizing, that restaurant work always coincided with intense schooling, so perhaps the two are blended somehow.
I was a straight A student - a valedictorian. I did enjoy high school because of the social elements. It was built in the 70's as an experiment and the classrooms did not have walls but partitions. It was easier to build cross-age friendships. The classes were easy for me. As honor students we had a lot of freedom and did more creative learning that was fun and engaging. I followed the honors path for going to college. That meant only a couple classes your junior and senior year that you could pick because you wanted to take the class. I was on the road to a four-year college.
However, I was a child of low middle class divorced parents. We did not have much money. My mother kicked me out near the end of my senior year. I had to survive instead of going to college. I had skills but did not know my joy. I survived.
I always made too much money to get financial aid when I did try to go back to college but not enough to pay for college easily. After taking community courses for a couple years and getting my AA, I went back to college full-time in my late 20's for one quarter with a $10,000 loan. I had a car payment and rent. Someone else was there my age with full financial aid living rent free in the dorms. I asked how they got aid. They said that had to not work for an entire year before going back to school. I did not have a support system that would have allowed me to do that. I had to return to work after that quarter. I like taking classes, but I did not have the luxury of taking classes to discover what I enjoyed. I had to eat, pay rent and pay my bills.
I did well financially in the corporate world. I was not doing something that was my bliss. I quit and began to search for my bliss in my 30's before I had my kids. When I did have my kids, I did not want my path for my children. I wanted them to be able to enjoy their childhood before the demands of adult. I wanted them to play and find their bliss. To choose activities that they wanted to do. Thus, my kids have never been to a system school. (I originally used to say public school, but many private schools are the same.) I feel doing something you love is more important than acquiring skills deemed important by someone else.
I do have the high school dream here and there. I have the shame of not going to college. Everyone is back at high school, but I am the only one that doesn't have a college degree. I have the I can't find my class or know my schedule turmoil. But there is one thing I think I have different than most of everyone else you have shared about. While I have the anxiety of not following the system, I have the knowledge that I am choosing not to follow the system because I don't want to take those classes. They do not interest me, and I am skipping them because of that. I am not taking the honors classes, and I miss my friends in them, but I don't want to take those classes. The class that I am taking that is on the college track is Spanish. Interestingly I do desire to speak foreign languages easily, so I am able to communicate with others. However, I do not attend that class regularly only a few times. I want to ability but don't enjoy the method of the class. I am choosing to do what I want.
Even though I do realize I am choosing to skip my classes because I don't like them, I still have the anxiety or dread that I am not graduating. I will be back next year while everyone else that followed the system is graduating. Following the system kills our choice and voice but not following the system excludes us from continuing with the pack of society.
I wonder if those of us that have this dream were to look at what was going on in our lives at the time would find something that was keeping us from being our authentic self. That perhaps a system of society was imposing on us again. That is what us "good students" did. We sacrificed our voice, our wants, our desires to please the system presented before us. Even if we had a strong sense of self.
I had an empowering spiritual upbringing that gave me a strong sense of self. It taught me I was responsible for my life and my reactions to life. However, I was still using the system for emotional validation. My parents came from abusive upbringings and did not have strong emotional skills. Thus, I turned to the system I was placed in as a child. A system that was devised to kill my identity so I could fit into a need and mold of someone else.
The next time I have the dream, if I do, I am going to see what is going on around me to see if it was triggered by another imposing system. Thank you, Peter, for this article. It gave me another lens to exam my personal experience through.
Fascinating survey!
I only went to a US high school for my junior and senior years -- the rest of my schooling happened in the former Soviet Union. The school there was quite different from what I experienced here in the US. In fact, I feel like the two school systems are examples of extremes: here things were too easy, and I did not feel like school here prepared me for college (the only thing I really learned here was English); school there was super hard, but I believe it actually prepared me for college way better academically. However, the social-emotional atmosphere in the US school was so much more welcoming and supportive, whereas in the Soviet school no one cared about how you felt.
I was always a straight A student but the pressure of performing at the top was so high for me. My dreams were always around being asked a question in class and not knowing how to answer, which would be followed by teachers' judgment and students' ridicule. Perfectionism and fear of making mistakes were running high.
Fascinating survey!
I only went to a US high school for my junior and senior years -- the rest of my schooling happened in the former Soviet Union. The school there was quite different from what I experienced here in the US. In fact, I feel like the two school systems are examples of extremes: here things were too easy, and I did not feel like school here prepared me for college (the only thing I really learned here was English); school there was super hard, but I believe it actually prepared me for college way better academically. However, the social-emotional atmosphere in the US school was so much more welcoming and supportive, whereas in the Soviet school no one cared about how you felt.
I was always a straight A student but the pressure of performing at the top was so high for me. My dreams were always around being asked a question in class and not knowing how to answer, which would be followed by teachers' judgment and students' ridicule. Perfectionism and fear of making mistakes were running high.
I have had every variation of the school anxiety dreams listed in the article. Can't get into my locker, don't know where my classroom is, writing a test about things I haven't learned, can't find the exam room, can't access my schedule or class list, mysteriously back in school as an adult, didn't realize I was in a class and now it's time to write the final. Everything except being naked at school.
I also have bonus school anxiety dreams! I have dreamed that I need to get to school to write a test, but the shower won't work and I can't find any clothes. I've dreamed it's a month into the semester, and I suddenly realize I am in an extra class. When I walk into the class for the first time I am already behind on everything, and no one understands why I am just now starting to attend. I am writing an exam, time is up, and my paper is still mostly blank. I'm at school and I don't know which classes I should go to because I don't know what day of the week it is. I've dreamed that I can't remember my username or password for my school account to sign up for classes or see my schedule or see when and where the final exam will be. Then I can't remember the address for the login page. Then I can't find the school website to look for links. Eventually I won't even be able to navigate to the browser - there will be popups, or games that I can't play and can't close out of. It's frustration and anxiety all the way down.
Not all of my school dreams are unpleasant. I've had dreams where the teacher liked me and thought I was an interesting person, or where I'm in a new class and it feels like I could be friends with someone there. Those dreams don't happen nearly as often as the shame/anxiety/frustration ones.
I think it's important to note that I've had similar nightmares about being in a theatre production. I didn't realize I was cast for a part and the play is happening in a few days. Or I got a part but didn't realize there were rehearsals, and I've missed most of them. Or the curtain goes up in 10 minutes and I am just now trying to learn my lines. Or I am onstage and doing my best to play my part even though I don't know what the lines are or even what is supposed to happen in the story.
Now, I liked being in plays in school. I opted into that. A friend has been in a couple productions lately, and I am both thrilled for her and envious. Clearly I miss that part of my life. And also, I have these nightmares (and only nightmares) about performing onstage.
I wonder what kind of dreams athletes have about their sport, or if performers in the arts ever have fun dreams about performing.
I’m one of the minority that has pleasant school dreams, along with the anxiety-themed ones I assume everyone has. I dream that I never finished college and - get - to go back for one more year. The only negative part of the dream is that I’m aware that I don’t really have to finish the degree and it doesn’t make financial sense to do so instead of continuing to work!
sorry for bad typing. one arm in sling.
first, I wonder if this is also common in Finland where "joy" is written into the curriculum. would be interesting comparison. or a survey from unschooled or Sudbury adults.
I'm 61 y/o. don't often remember my dreams. had same school dream into my 40's. fyi school was prison for me. I was "good kid." dream is elementary school maybe 3rd grade. as adult I discover I actually failed a math class/exam and have to go back and retake. adult me sits in little desk surrounded by little kids in math class. I feel extremely stressed and anxious.
During my teaching career, I consistently had dreams of being unprepared. The bell is about to ring and I have no lesson plan. When I retired, the dreams stopped. My mother, who taught for over 40 years, still has those dreams occasionally in her 80s! I'm convinced that teaching is unlike any profession; in order to do your job, you must immerse your whole self which leaves a permanent mark (good and bad) on your psyche.
Fascinating. I am 68, and still have EXACTLY those two dreams: (1) it’s the end of the semester and I have to write the exam, and I realize I never went to a single class or read the book COMBINED WITH (2) I can’t find the exam room, nobody can help me, I wander in panic through hallways. And then when I finally find the room, I’m late, I only have a pencil, I can’t find a sharpener, time is running out. Oh no! I won’t graduate from high school/college! The only bright side is, after I wake up in anxiety, that i gradually realize: wait! I graduated from high school/college/ law school decades ago! In fact, I’m already retired! So, relax, it was just my regular anxiety dream.