Another great piece, Peter. I think you've tapped into one of the huge benefits of outdoor experiences for kids. The outside world presents so many natural opportunities to face one's fears of being out in nature, or of snakes, bugs, predators , or being far away from adults, climbing, etc.
Wonderful article! I guess another way (that I have learnt from Je'anna Clements) of phrasing this is that once the core needs competence, autonomy and relatedness are satisfied, then the other core need - safety - ensues. It is something that emerges naturally, and doesn't have to be provided (up to an obvious minimum) upfront.
I was fortunate to observe this in my swimming courses, where 4- to 7-year-olds could pick swimming/safety toys/tools of their own choice at any time. They learnt very quickly what they felt they needed, depending on the chosen activity at each moment. Some would even refrain from using any tools, though they had very little "formal technical" competence. They didn't care, enjoying the (silently supervised, of course) endeavor at the water surface, and I learnt a lesson in courage!
Mother Nature is the best teacher! Overcoming a fear of fear is a learned skill. The only way to gain courage is to convert scary things into brave deeds. But scared parents protect their children instead of encouraging them. In my experience running an early childhood center with a play-based curriculum, overprotected children are the ones who have the most accidents. It takes practice to gain balance, strength, and confidence. Added up, they equal courage. In a time when violence seems random and all too prevalent, it takes a brave parent to encourage their child to overcome fear by taking risks, but it is worth it.
Perfectly timed article! My 13-year-old got a very small cut from a pocketknife maybe five years ago. She's been afraid to handle knives since then. Last week, we watched some whittling videos and ordered supplies to give it a try. She was a little anxious, but the cut-resistant gloves and safety tips we studied helped her feel safe enough to give it a try. She whittled for about 30 minutes this evening and is looking forward to trying out the little fox carving video we watched. Her love of foxes and creating all types of art probably worked in conjunction with the safety supplies and tips.
Very thought provoking. I live on the Isle of Man, a small community (30 miles long, 15 miles wide) in the Irish Sea. Here a charity called "Isle of Play" has been working for more than 10 years to liberate play not just for children but in the minds of cautious parents and risk averse Government bodies. This is vital work with far reaching impact where positive outcomes can be seen.
For my generation growing up in 1950s and ‘60s suburbs we were practically feral, leaving the house in summer and staying out until the evening meal with a run by refueling stop for lunch. My daughter experienced more limits in the 1990s overseas and then home for the 2000s but still often set off by herself to visit neighbors. But we let her try fencing and rifle team (air rifle target shooting), horseback riding at camp, etc. I on the other hand have become more wary of heights though far more relaxed about spiders.
What a great article Peter. I started a little ‘school’ in my farm shed almost 2 years ago, and one of the instilling principles is ‘risky play’. I had a good chuckle when parents first came to collect their children from me, how they would all say the same thing ‘be careful there’ etc even though their kids were jumping and playing all over the ‘dangerous’ spots and places all morning. No one has yet to get more than small scrape in 18 months and our school is in a very rough and ready farm shed.
It’s been wonderful seeing these kids learn about their own limits and develop (and strengthen!) their sense is safety as they’ve grown and developed.
I’ve got 8 kiddies in total ranging from 2-6 years old.
"This is how young mammals develop courage. By doing things that are moderately dangerous... we may sometimes need to create situations in which kids are given permission, even instruction, to do what they want to do, what they would naturally do in a less restrictive world"
TRUE, but just why it's true I have to ask: why, at least in the anglosphere that I can follow, does scouting almost never come out as a solution in any article or discussion about this? Is it because in English-speaking countries scouting has been "softened" so much to not fit that description anymore???
I really appreciated this article, especially learning the concept of independence/courage therapy. My personality plus overprotective parents have led me to be much more fearful than life really warrants. My daughter has a similar personality (although we are so purposeful at staying back and letting her try things!). The idea of regular exposure therapy has always bothered me. Sure, it makes sense, but it also seems needlessly cruel. I really like the idea (for me, my daughter, and everyone else) to focus on doing those things we really want to, despite the fear they bring, so that courage "muscle" gets built up enough that the things that used to cause major problems become manageable.
I haven't thought this through thoroughly, but I wonder if a similar concept could be used with OCD. Instead of ERP focused on a person's obsession and compulsions, perhaps practicing doing things you really want to do, even though it will leave you with a feeling of incompleteness, could be effective at helping the OCD brain to let go of its need to complete the cycle.
Wonderful article with immense implications if we are to reverse the "Zero Risk" mentality that is our current zeitgeist. I quote at length on the point made about children & leave to the reader the larger impact on society discussed in the article:
"In modern America, an obsessive fixation on “safety” has given rise to a culture of fear, paralyzing action and warping decision-making across all levels of society. The conditioning begins early, with children trained to be fearful rather than competent in facing challenges or unfamiliar situations. In their formative years, children are inundated with rules and guidelines, ostensibly designed to maintain safety. But this only stunts their adventurous spirit, undercuts the development of real confidence, and provides an excuse to avoid the uncertain striving necessary for growth.
In her book “Free Range Kids,” Lenore Skenazy discusses her decision to let her 9-year-old son ride the New York City subway by himself. ...The people who attacked Ms.Skenazy view the world as a scary place, one where selective observation substitutes for rational thinking — where the risk-reward equation is reduced to a big neon “RISK” sign flashing red. These are the same people who put kneepads on their babies when they learn to crawl.
Ms. Skenazy highlights the benefits of kids spending time in nature, building skills of self-reliance and eschewing today’s conventional methods of risk avoidance. One gets the sense that children are capable of much more than they’re given credit for. Far from pushing them into danger, allowing children to confront and overcome challenges on their own provides the ultimate safety — a true sense of competence."
My 1.5 year old is very cautious (and likes to be with me almost all the time), and I'm having a hard time encouraging her to branch out. I do think her daycare helps (it's multi-age, outdoor) significantly, but it's hard to know how to encourage it at home when she doesn't yet have a sibling. Any tips for getting her to try things on her own at home?
I wouldn't worry about it. Research shows that most kids don't want to explore away from their parents until about 4 years old. Mother Nature designed them to start off cautious and then work their way away from adults as they grow in sense, knowledge, and strength.
Our son remained a cautious observer from a safe vantage point (a lap) for a long time, while similar aged kids were already wielding hammers and putting everyone else in danger by carrying planks of wood around. At one point my wife swapped our son for another kid, so she and the other girl could have fun on a sled while the other mother and our son used sticks to draw letters in the snow. Despite our efforts to 'help him along' he managed very well to educate himself and ourselves as we all needed it, and is now a very gregarious adult in his mid thirties :-)
This is so good to hear from another parent. My own parents tell me I was so shy I wouldn’t look anyone in the eye until around age 4, and I’m certainly not that way now, so that’s encouraging. But it’s hard when I see all other kids her age being more adventurous (knowing she wants to join, but won’t until they all leave). Good to hear she’ll likely figure it out in her own time
(:- Yes, I should probably say "all income..." as technically, I suppose, it is not profit if I don't keep it. So far the organizations I've helped support with this income are Let Grow, the National Institute for Play, the Alliance for Self-Directed Education, and Defending the Early Years.
Another great piece, Peter. I think you've tapped into one of the huge benefits of outdoor experiences for kids. The outside world presents so many natural opportunities to face one's fears of being out in nature, or of snakes, bugs, predators , or being far away from adults, climbing, etc.
Wonderful article! I guess another way (that I have learnt from Je'anna Clements) of phrasing this is that once the core needs competence, autonomy and relatedness are satisfied, then the other core need - safety - ensues. It is something that emerges naturally, and doesn't have to be provided (up to an obvious minimum) upfront.
I was fortunate to observe this in my swimming courses, where 4- to 7-year-olds could pick swimming/safety toys/tools of their own choice at any time. They learnt very quickly what they felt they needed, depending on the chosen activity at each moment. Some would even refrain from using any tools, though they had very little "formal technical" competence. They didn't care, enjoying the (silently supervised, of course) endeavor at the water surface, and I learnt a lesson in courage!
Mother Nature is the best teacher! Overcoming a fear of fear is a learned skill. The only way to gain courage is to convert scary things into brave deeds. But scared parents protect their children instead of encouraging them. In my experience running an early childhood center with a play-based curriculum, overprotected children are the ones who have the most accidents. It takes practice to gain balance, strength, and confidence. Added up, they equal courage. In a time when violence seems random and all too prevalent, it takes a brave parent to encourage their child to overcome fear by taking risks, but it is worth it.
Wonderful. Another example of something actually being so obvious that very few people can see it.
Every parent should read this!
Perfectly timed article! My 13-year-old got a very small cut from a pocketknife maybe five years ago. She's been afraid to handle knives since then. Last week, we watched some whittling videos and ordered supplies to give it a try. She was a little anxious, but the cut-resistant gloves and safety tips we studied helped her feel safe enough to give it a try. She whittled for about 30 minutes this evening and is looking forward to trying out the little fox carving video we watched. Her love of foxes and creating all types of art probably worked in conjunction with the safety supplies and tips.
Good story. There's wisdom in the old saying, "If you fall off a horse get back on it as soon as you can."
Very thought provoking. I live on the Isle of Man, a small community (30 miles long, 15 miles wide) in the Irish Sea. Here a charity called "Isle of Play" has been working for more than 10 years to liberate play not just for children but in the minds of cautious parents and risk averse Government bodies. This is vital work with far reaching impact where positive outcomes can be seen.
For my generation growing up in 1950s and ‘60s suburbs we were practically feral, leaving the house in summer and staying out until the evening meal with a run by refueling stop for lunch. My daughter experienced more limits in the 1990s overseas and then home for the 2000s but still often set off by herself to visit neighbors. But we let her try fencing and rifle team (air rifle target shooting), horseback riding at camp, etc. I on the other hand have become more wary of heights though far more relaxed about spiders.
Robert, if you were growing up in the 1950's and '60s you are nearly my age, and there is good reason we have become more wary of heights.
What a great article Peter. I started a little ‘school’ in my farm shed almost 2 years ago, and one of the instilling principles is ‘risky play’. I had a good chuckle when parents first came to collect their children from me, how they would all say the same thing ‘be careful there’ etc even though their kids were jumping and playing all over the ‘dangerous’ spots and places all morning. No one has yet to get more than small scrape in 18 months and our school is in a very rough and ready farm shed.
It’s been wonderful seeing these kids learn about their own limits and develop (and strengthen!) their sense is safety as they’ve grown and developed.
I’ve got 8 kiddies in total ranging from 2-6 years old.
I've seen lots of evidence that the freer kids are to make their own decisions the fewer are the accidents.
"This is how young mammals develop courage. By doing things that are moderately dangerous... we may sometimes need to create situations in which kids are given permission, even instruction, to do what they want to do, what they would naturally do in a less restrictive world"
TRUE, but just why it's true I have to ask: why, at least in the anglosphere that I can follow, does scouting almost never come out as a solution in any article or discussion about this? Is it because in English-speaking countries scouting has been "softened" so much to not fit that description anymore???
I really appreciated this article, especially learning the concept of independence/courage therapy. My personality plus overprotective parents have led me to be much more fearful than life really warrants. My daughter has a similar personality (although we are so purposeful at staying back and letting her try things!). The idea of regular exposure therapy has always bothered me. Sure, it makes sense, but it also seems needlessly cruel. I really like the idea (for me, my daughter, and everyone else) to focus on doing those things we really want to, despite the fear they bring, so that courage "muscle" gets built up enough that the things that used to cause major problems become manageable.
I haven't thought this through thoroughly, but I wonder if a similar concept could be used with OCD. Instead of ERP focused on a person's obsession and compulsions, perhaps practicing doing things you really want to do, even though it will leave you with a feeling of incompleteness, could be effective at helping the OCD brain to let go of its need to complete the cycle.
Wonderful article with immense implications if we are to reverse the "Zero Risk" mentality that is our current zeitgeist. I quote at length on the point made about children & leave to the reader the larger impact on society discussed in the article:
"In modern America, an obsessive fixation on “safety” has given rise to a culture of fear, paralyzing action and warping decision-making across all levels of society. The conditioning begins early, with children trained to be fearful rather than competent in facing challenges or unfamiliar situations. In their formative years, children are inundated with rules and guidelines, ostensibly designed to maintain safety. But this only stunts their adventurous spirit, undercuts the development of real confidence, and provides an excuse to avoid the uncertain striving necessary for growth.
In her book “Free Range Kids,” Lenore Skenazy discusses her decision to let her 9-year-old son ride the New York City subway by himself. ...The people who attacked Ms.Skenazy view the world as a scary place, one where selective observation substitutes for rational thinking — where the risk-reward equation is reduced to a big neon “RISK” sign flashing red. These are the same people who put kneepads on their babies when they learn to crawl.
Ms. Skenazy highlights the benefits of kids spending time in nature, building skills of self-reliance and eschewing today’s conventional methods of risk avoidance. One gets the sense that children are capable of much more than they’re given credit for. Far from pushing them into danger, allowing children to confront and overcome challenges on their own provides the ultimate safety — a true sense of competence."
● Artis Shepherd (17 Jul 2024) Fear is the mind killer: America’s dangerous obsession with ‘safety’, https://mises.org/mises-wire/fear-mind-killer-americas-dangerous-obsession-safety
My 1.5 year old is very cautious (and likes to be with me almost all the time), and I'm having a hard time encouraging her to branch out. I do think her daycare helps (it's multi-age, outdoor) significantly, but it's hard to know how to encourage it at home when she doesn't yet have a sibling. Any tips for getting her to try things on her own at home?
I wouldn't worry about it. Research shows that most kids don't want to explore away from their parents until about 4 years old. Mother Nature designed them to start off cautious and then work their way away from adults as they grow in sense, knowledge, and strength.
This is great to know. Gives me hope, haha! Thank you
Our son remained a cautious observer from a safe vantage point (a lap) for a long time, while similar aged kids were already wielding hammers and putting everyone else in danger by carrying planks of wood around. At one point my wife swapped our son for another kid, so she and the other girl could have fun on a sled while the other mother and our son used sticks to draw letters in the snow. Despite our efforts to 'help him along' he managed very well to educate himself and ourselves as we all needed it, and is now a very gregarious adult in his mid thirties :-)
This is so good to hear from another parent. My own parents tell me I was so shy I wouldn’t look anyone in the eye until around age 4, and I’m certainly not that way now, so that’s encouraging. But it’s hard when I see all other kids her age being more adventurous (knowing she wants to join, but won’t until they all leave). Good to hear she’ll likely figure it out in her own time
Typo?
"All profits that come to me from paid subscriptions are used to help support nonprofit organizations..."
Did you mean "All income..."...?
2.
"are used to help support nonprofit organizations..."
Did you mean "...paid subscription fund nonprofit organizations..."...?
3.
Which "nonprofit organizations..."...?
(:- Yes, I should probably say "all income..." as technically, I suppose, it is not profit if I don't keep it. So far the organizations I've helped support with this income are Let Grow, the National Institute for Play, the Alliance for Self-Directed Education, and Defending the Early Years.
Have you ever heard of anyone mentioning (anything like) ANY of these:
1
Moms replace baby's filthy thumb with a sterile pacifier(aka "innocuous placebos can become insidious... or vice versa")
2
Up to 60%(or any rate you believe) of anxious people are cured by placebo
3
For example:
google.com/search?q="fear+morphs+into+anger"+"ronald+reagan+"daughter