My kids (now 35 and 38) went to a Waldorf school and one of the counter cultural messages heard there was to delay organized sports until children are about 12 years old. There are many examples of successful athletes who started at that age, which is considered late in our hyper-competitive society. Sports activity before twelve should be play-based and fun, otherwise it is about adults wanting to raise a winner which takes the fun out of it for the kids.
As a child of the 90s, my dad was really into us playing competitive sports at a high level. I resisted this at a young age, it felt strange to me, but I have always been quite athletic and was pushed into playing sports because of it. I have always felt awed by what humans are physically capable of and I enjoyed playing sports for the most part, but the competitiveness and perfectionism as Peter describes here took it's toll on me and exacerbated my stress and anxiety as a teen. I even chose to attend a certain college because I could feel the social pressure and expectation to attend a "Division 1" sports school and that really was the nail in the coffin for me that sucked any remaining enjoyment out of the sport for me and I quit soon after. As someone who has always loved physical challenges and mastering athletic pursuits, I have found great joy in powerlifting, running, biking, hacky sack, and swimming, but I no longer feel the pressure to "compete" in these pursuits, I can simply be happy playing!
My children are also quite naturally athletic, my 5-year-old can ride a bike for 4+ miles and up steep hills, but he prefers to practice tricks and riding with no hands. He climbs rope ladders that his older cousins haven't yet managed to master. He learned to swing, swim, and ice skate at age 3 without formal lessons. His cousins and friends are all involved with organized sports every Saturday and even during the week. But we're holding out. All of the child development books concur: keep kids out of sports until at least age 8, and even then, let them choose what they do and how much, keep it light, keep it fun, and keep the adults out of it as much as possible. Luckily my kids have friends on our street to play with for now.
The sad thing is, if you don't participate in some of this, many sports later opportunities will be closed to you. If your kid isn't on a travelling soccer team through ages 9 to 14, they'll never make the high school team, which is full of those kids. It completely dominates the entire scene.
I have thought about this a lot. My eldest tried soccer for a season as a 7 year old, at her request. It started out fun but soon enough my daughter spent more and more time on the bench or as goalie because she wasn't especially talented. There was overt friction between parents who wanted the team to focus on winning and parents who wanted the children to have fun. My daughter quickly became deflated and left the team. Since this experience, I kept all my children out of such team sports. I could clearly see that competitive environment was harmful, not just to the children who weren't sporty, but also to the children who show talent - they end up being pushed into an extreme goal oriented mindset at a developmentally inappropriate age at the expense of learning to trust their inner voice, focusing on their own interests and values, and building true intrinsic motivation. The benefits of physical activity and socialisation are just as easily attained by playing with a group of kids in the park, in the street or in the playground. There is, in fact, far more creativity, joy and social nuance in these interactions than in structured adult-led team sports. Nowadays, my kids get their physical activity doing fun activities where the goal is simply the process. Dance, bike riding, rollerblading and swimming are our favourites. It's sad that life is seen as a competition, but the longer we keep our kids away from this mindset, the better they will cope when they inevitably encounter these environments as adults.
I love this piece and am very sad about the trends you discuss. I love the advice at the end. I do this same thing when I'm helping kids learn basic organic chemistry. I always give them time to play with the ball and stick molecular modeling pieces before we do directed activities with them. And, this occurs in the context of longer sessions where playing in the forest is the primary activity.
I approach this issue from the other side, as a mom of kids who didn’t do sports. (Our daughter is physically disabled, and our son was totally uninterested in team sports.) When our kids were young, I wanted so badly for them to have the kind of free-range outdoor childhood that was the norm for Gen-Xers like me. But there were no kids for them to play with. All the kids in the entire neighborhood were busy with team sports after school and on weekends. This is a loss too—for sporty and non-sporty kids alike.
We moved to Prague when the kids were 11 and 14, and the difference was striking. After school let out every day and on weekends, the streets and parks filled up with kids playing together. But European universities don’t consider extracurriculars in admissions (admissions are based entirely on scores on exams). Because there is no resume-building incentive for kids to do sports, the kids who do sports are choosing them for the love of the game and/or because of their talent. And the rest of the kids get to enjoy playing freely together.
I feel like I'm in a constant struggle between not wanting to over specialize my son and not wanting to over schedule him. I wish sports would just stay in their season like they used to!
I just have to add that South Park made the perfect parody of this with their episode "the Losing Edge" where the kids win the baseball tournament not realizing it means they have to play more, and then they go against teams who have gotten good at losing, because no kid on any team wants to play. And the B story is Stan's dad Randy uses the games to get into fights with other parents, and when the baseball team goes to the championship Randy thinks of it as "fighting in the championship"
Driving forces (a mom of 5 in middle-America observes):
Fear- we are not keeping up with the Joneses if we don’t get her child in competitive sports- our child will be left behind (true- as a poster observed above, large high school sports are mostly closed to those who have not participated in private coaching or leagues)
Youth worship- particularly strong in America- a country of optimism and a ‘you can achieve what you put your mind to’ attitude- children’s accomplishments are validation of parental success and that’s pretty easy to display on a literal playing field
A lack of strong community culture for adults outside of raising children/the local school system-
hand in hand with youth worship, children’s sports become parents’ recreation and social circle- you are left out as a parent if you don’t participate. Youth sports are social networking, small talk, connection, trust builders- income builders and opportunity providers in many unspoken ways
Money- Americans have plenty of disposable income to pay the MANY small ‘businesses’ setting up leagues, academics and coaching - if you don’t have that money, you are left behind in terms of opportunity- unless you find a kind benefactor to sponsor your high talent through private development (happens often, in funneling children from low income families towards prep for high school teams, as the outcome is wins for the school district=the cycle continues)
Academic achievement is not the foundation of American ‘success’- for better or worse, America, the Land of Opportunity, does not depend as highly on intelligence to set foundation for a successful life- entrepreneurship and the right ‘personality’ can move you ahead even further (look at our President)=youth sports form confidence, can dazzle others, or light a small town on fire for decades with talk of ONE championship winning play- you can’t buy that kind of credence. Or earn it with a great ACT score ;)
The drive in youth sports has come about from the intense competition in college admissions. Sports are another way for kids to get into a school (private or boarding), or possibly get a scholarship, for a college.
These parents don't want professional athletes, they just want another pathway to beef up college applications and sports is that way. It also doesn't help that our society idolizes famous athletes.
I played high school.volleyball for four years, not because I loved it, but because I got the message that if I didn’t play sports, I 1) wouldn’t get into a good college and 2) would suffer socially. Instead of doing musical theater or playing piano, which I truly enjoyed, I spent the entire academic year and much of the summer playing club volleyball. It makes me sad now.
I homeschool my three boys now (the oldest is 7 so they’re very little) and have already gotten pressure for my mom about getting them into sports, because some of their cousins play youth sports as young as age 4! I’ve tried to explain to her that we don’t want to pressure them into formal sports at such young ages and also that we don’t want our family life to be controlled by sports practices and games, but she sees it as denying my kids opportunities. My boys are incredibly active, but prefer tree climbing, hiking, and playing dodge ball in the backyard to soccer or basketball. Articles like this are encouraging for me. Thank you!
Love this so much, especially the desire to have more free play. It's never going to look how it did when you were growing up but even rec and club teams having kid-led free play "practices" would be a start. Everything is way too regimented. Parents will buy into the free play if it's marketed as developing more creative athletes (aka better athletes).
I would be curious to see similar statistics and studies concerning musical development in children. As a cello teacher whose students start in kindergarten at my school, I have found the more general music and play with other instruments I have brought into my room has brought around increased sustained interest, yet the pressure from admin and district is in opposition to anything not “focused instruction”.
This is great! I'm curious—what do you believe is the true purpose of youth sports? To me, the era of sandlot free play has passed, and that shift stems from broader societal changes beyond the control of youth sports itself. What I find especially wild, speaking as a parent myself, is how easily many of us pour money into competitive programs, chasing the dream of a "scholarship" or some financial return that rarely offsets what we've already invested. And that’s not even considering how few kids reach that level. So I keep coming back to this question: What is youth sports supposed to be about?
To me, it is parents not wanting to parent their children. They have no real relationship with their children. Love, empathy, compassion become misdirected.
Parents are suppose to teach their children life skills. Sports is a supplement. Now adays sports is everything. What does the child learn if they fail. Not much. Their whole formative years have been wasted. Parents put all of their children’s eggs in one basket. Foolish.
My kids (now 35 and 38) went to a Waldorf school and one of the counter cultural messages heard there was to delay organized sports until children are about 12 years old. There are many examples of successful athletes who started at that age, which is considered late in our hyper-competitive society. Sports activity before twelve should be play-based and fun, otherwise it is about adults wanting to raise a winner which takes the fun out of it for the kids.
As a child of the 90s, my dad was really into us playing competitive sports at a high level. I resisted this at a young age, it felt strange to me, but I have always been quite athletic and was pushed into playing sports because of it. I have always felt awed by what humans are physically capable of and I enjoyed playing sports for the most part, but the competitiveness and perfectionism as Peter describes here took it's toll on me and exacerbated my stress and anxiety as a teen. I even chose to attend a certain college because I could feel the social pressure and expectation to attend a "Division 1" sports school and that really was the nail in the coffin for me that sucked any remaining enjoyment out of the sport for me and I quit soon after. As someone who has always loved physical challenges and mastering athletic pursuits, I have found great joy in powerlifting, running, biking, hacky sack, and swimming, but I no longer feel the pressure to "compete" in these pursuits, I can simply be happy playing!
My children are also quite naturally athletic, my 5-year-old can ride a bike for 4+ miles and up steep hills, but he prefers to practice tricks and riding with no hands. He climbs rope ladders that his older cousins haven't yet managed to master. He learned to swing, swim, and ice skate at age 3 without formal lessons. His cousins and friends are all involved with organized sports every Saturday and even during the week. But we're holding out. All of the child development books concur: keep kids out of sports until at least age 8, and even then, let them choose what they do and how much, keep it light, keep it fun, and keep the adults out of it as much as possible. Luckily my kids have friends on our street to play with for now.
The sad thing is, if you don't participate in some of this, many sports later opportunities will be closed to you. If your kid isn't on a travelling soccer team through ages 9 to 14, they'll never make the high school team, which is full of those kids. It completely dominates the entire scene.
Sad truth
I have thought about this a lot. My eldest tried soccer for a season as a 7 year old, at her request. It started out fun but soon enough my daughter spent more and more time on the bench or as goalie because she wasn't especially talented. There was overt friction between parents who wanted the team to focus on winning and parents who wanted the children to have fun. My daughter quickly became deflated and left the team. Since this experience, I kept all my children out of such team sports. I could clearly see that competitive environment was harmful, not just to the children who weren't sporty, but also to the children who show talent - they end up being pushed into an extreme goal oriented mindset at a developmentally inappropriate age at the expense of learning to trust their inner voice, focusing on their own interests and values, and building true intrinsic motivation. The benefits of physical activity and socialisation are just as easily attained by playing with a group of kids in the park, in the street or in the playground. There is, in fact, far more creativity, joy and social nuance in these interactions than in structured adult-led team sports. Nowadays, my kids get their physical activity doing fun activities where the goal is simply the process. Dance, bike riding, rollerblading and swimming are our favourites. It's sad that life is seen as a competition, but the longer we keep our kids away from this mindset, the better they will cope when they inevitably encounter these environments as adults.
I love this piece and am very sad about the trends you discuss. I love the advice at the end. I do this same thing when I'm helping kids learn basic organic chemistry. I always give them time to play with the ball and stick molecular modeling pieces before we do directed activities with them. And, this occurs in the context of longer sessions where playing in the forest is the primary activity.
I approach this issue from the other side, as a mom of kids who didn’t do sports. (Our daughter is physically disabled, and our son was totally uninterested in team sports.) When our kids were young, I wanted so badly for them to have the kind of free-range outdoor childhood that was the norm for Gen-Xers like me. But there were no kids for them to play with. All the kids in the entire neighborhood were busy with team sports after school and on weekends. This is a loss too—for sporty and non-sporty kids alike.
We moved to Prague when the kids were 11 and 14, and the difference was striking. After school let out every day and on weekends, the streets and parks filled up with kids playing together. But European universities don’t consider extracurriculars in admissions (admissions are based entirely on scores on exams). Because there is no resume-building incentive for kids to do sports, the kids who do sports are choosing them for the love of the game and/or because of their talent. And the rest of the kids get to enjoy playing freely together.
I feel like I'm in a constant struggle between not wanting to over specialize my son and not wanting to over schedule him. I wish sports would just stay in their season like they used to!
I just have to add that South Park made the perfect parody of this with their episode "the Losing Edge" where the kids win the baseball tournament not realizing it means they have to play more, and then they go against teams who have gotten good at losing, because no kid on any team wants to play. And the B story is Stan's dad Randy uses the games to get into fights with other parents, and when the baseball team goes to the championship Randy thinks of it as "fighting in the championship"
Agreed. My 2c on the
Driving forces (a mom of 5 in middle-America observes):
Fear- we are not keeping up with the Joneses if we don’t get her child in competitive sports- our child will be left behind (true- as a poster observed above, large high school sports are mostly closed to those who have not participated in private coaching or leagues)
Youth worship- particularly strong in America- a country of optimism and a ‘you can achieve what you put your mind to’ attitude- children’s accomplishments are validation of parental success and that’s pretty easy to display on a literal playing field
A lack of strong community culture for adults outside of raising children/the local school system-
hand in hand with youth worship, children’s sports become parents’ recreation and social circle- you are left out as a parent if you don’t participate. Youth sports are social networking, small talk, connection, trust builders- income builders and opportunity providers in many unspoken ways
Money- Americans have plenty of disposable income to pay the MANY small ‘businesses’ setting up leagues, academics and coaching - if you don’t have that money, you are left behind in terms of opportunity- unless you find a kind benefactor to sponsor your high talent through private development (happens often, in funneling children from low income families towards prep for high school teams, as the outcome is wins for the school district=the cycle continues)
Academic achievement is not the foundation of American ‘success’- for better or worse, America, the Land of Opportunity, does not depend as highly on intelligence to set foundation for a successful life- entrepreneurship and the right ‘personality’ can move you ahead even further (look at our President)=youth sports form confidence, can dazzle others, or light a small town on fire for decades with talk of ONE championship winning play- you can’t buy that kind of credence. Or earn it with a great ACT score ;)
I note as I write, as you did, that all these factors driving towards competitive youth sports are channeled by the adults, not the children
The drive in youth sports has come about from the intense competition in college admissions. Sports are another way for kids to get into a school (private or boarding), or possibly get a scholarship, for a college.
These parents don't want professional athletes, they just want another pathway to beef up college applications and sports is that way. It also doesn't help that our society idolizes famous athletes.
We didn't do kids sports because we saw our friends spend all their Saturdays on the field.
I played high school.volleyball for four years, not because I loved it, but because I got the message that if I didn’t play sports, I 1) wouldn’t get into a good college and 2) would suffer socially. Instead of doing musical theater or playing piano, which I truly enjoyed, I spent the entire academic year and much of the summer playing club volleyball. It makes me sad now.
I homeschool my three boys now (the oldest is 7 so they’re very little) and have already gotten pressure for my mom about getting them into sports, because some of their cousins play youth sports as young as age 4! I’ve tried to explain to her that we don’t want to pressure them into formal sports at such young ages and also that we don’t want our family life to be controlled by sports practices and games, but she sees it as denying my kids opportunities. My boys are incredibly active, but prefer tree climbing, hiking, and playing dodge ball in the backyard to soccer or basketball. Articles like this are encouraging for me. Thank you!
Good for you, Christina! Sorry you had to endure playing a sport you didn't love.
Love this so much, especially the desire to have more free play. It's never going to look how it did when you were growing up but even rec and club teams having kid-led free play "practices" would be a start. Everything is way too regimented. Parents will buy into the free play if it's marketed as developing more creative athletes (aka better athletes).
I would be curious to see similar statistics and studies concerning musical development in children. As a cello teacher whose students start in kindergarten at my school, I have found the more general music and play with other instruments I have brought into my room has brought around increased sustained interest, yet the pressure from admin and district is in opposition to anything not “focused instruction”.
This is great! I'm curious—what do you believe is the true purpose of youth sports? To me, the era of sandlot free play has passed, and that shift stems from broader societal changes beyond the control of youth sports itself. What I find especially wild, speaking as a parent myself, is how easily many of us pour money into competitive programs, chasing the dream of a "scholarship" or some financial return that rarely offsets what we've already invested. And that’s not even considering how few kids reach that level. So I keep coming back to this question: What is youth sports supposed to be about?
To me, it is parents not wanting to parent their children. They have no real relationship with their children. Love, empathy, compassion become misdirected.
Parents are suppose to teach their children life skills. Sports is a supplement. Now adays sports is everything. What does the child learn if they fail. Not much. Their whole formative years have been wasted. Parents put all of their children’s eggs in one basket. Foolish.